its 12:30 pm at the moment and i am writing this blog from my home. i took the rest of the day off after what happened in my classroom today
the bell sounds for the end of 2nd block. the same students that come to my class early for 3rd block cofme to my class early. one of them is a guy who has just recently (maybe for a week now?) started selling chips/juice/candy etc out of his backpack. after previous days of telling him not to do it, today i decided do something about it. i approached his desk and told him that he needed to put the bag away, he instantly became very defensive demanding that i not touch him. he put his bag on the ground by his desk and then i grabbed it. the next 10 seconds were kind of a blur.
before i know it, his coat his off, he pushes me, i lose my balance, fall towards a desk and almost to the ground. completely shocked by what has just happened (this kid is generally an ok student), i buzz the office and leave my room with his bag, he follows me out of the room and then seizes the bag as i try to hold on to it, somewhat knocking me aside again with his shoulder as he tugs for his bag. i run to the office as students still transitioning between blocks begin to gather outside my door. i tell the secretaries that i need security/administrator at my room immediately. i return to my room (my room is like, 15 steps from the office). the number of students gathering has doubled as well as my own students who have chosen to wait outside. 4 other teachers are trying to get kids where they need to be (i love the teachers on my hall, they have my back no matter what). the student that originally pushed me is still in my classroom, steaming as another teacher tries to cool him down. one of my other guy student tries to leave the classroom to talk to his friend outside trying to see what happened. i block his way in the doorway and tell him to sit down. this kid then pushes me out of the doorway and into the hallway. i have been forcefully pushed 2 times within 2 minutes.
at this point, i am scared. i am not and never have been a violent or physically inclined person. my heart is beating furiously up towards my throat. i come back into my classroom, pack my things and leave. i get to the office and the tears are beginning to build up. i see one of my favorite students there because she is an office worker that block and the look on her face upon seeing me near tears will remain in my memory for a long time. it seems she is concerned and alarmed that something this bad has occured to shake up mr. jimenez. once i get into the main secretary's office, i begin to sob. you know, those sobs where its hard to breathe? i am really upset at this point. eventually one of the asst principals comes in to ask what has happened, i retell the story and tell him (i dont request) that i am taking the rest of the day off. at this point he does not argue my motives. i try to compose myself in vain before leaving her office, the 2nd pusher sees my red eyes as i leave the office. i want to hit him square in the face as i leave.
outside in the parking lot, as im opening the door, one of the ROTC teachers asks me to wait. we talk it over for a good 20 minutes. i tell him im working at madison central next year, he smiles and tells me his son goes there. at this point, i have calmed down a bit, but still very flustered and upset. i get in my car to leave and cry even harder. i feel like a complete failure as a teacher.
tomorrow is a whole new day though. 4 more weeks
EDIT: upon finishing this post, i drove back to wingfield thinking to myself "i still have some good kids, and today we are playing a game with jolly ranchers for prizes. let me go back and give those kids a good time" when i came into my class, there wasnt a teacher watching them and my two bags of jolly ranchers had been stolen out of my desk. i called in the asst principal and they did a search, but as expected the candy had probably already been dispersed and/or given to someone who then left. i guess sometimes you should just stay at home.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Pushing the limits