Fletcher Center helping children cope with grief

Allison Pruitt
Dm Feature Editor

When now-licensed counselor Kathy Woodliff lost her mother at age eight, she realized first hand the suffering that children undergo after the loss of a loved one. When Ole Miss student McClean Fletcher lost her life in an auto accident three years ago, she left behind a legacy of warmth and devotion to children that those who knew her admired and respected.

Combined, the experiences and lives of the two women have inspired the founding of The McClean Fletcher Center, which focuses on helping children through the grieving process.

Woodliff approached Hospice Ministries to undertake the development of the grief center because it is an organization that helps with the physical, mental, and spiritual needs of families dealing with grief, especially involving children with terminal illnesses. She said that it was her own experience as a child that inspired her to do so.

"I understood the importance of having a safe place for children and adults to come together to share their thoughts a feelings about losing someone close to them," Woodliff said.

When Woodliff proposed the idea to Hospice Executive Director John Fletcher and wife Sally, it was only shortly after they had lost their daughter, McClean.

According to Isabella Cordua, director of the McClean Fletcher Center, it was only natural for the center to be named after McClean because of her love of children and her warm personality.

"She (McClean) touched so many people," Cordua said. "She was a very inviting person."

The center has been open since October, and currently provides service to children between the ages of six and 14. Cordua says that she hopes that services will be extended to include children aged three to 17 within the year.

According to Cordua, the children who are involved with the center attend a session every other week for about an hour and a half. They begin in what is called a talking room, where they spend about twenty minutes talking about who they have lost and how, or they can just listen to others and choose to remain silent.

They are then encouraged to participate in an activity centered around their grief, such as showing a picture of their loved one or drawing a picture of something special that reminds them of that loved one. Then it is free activity time and the children may choose from a "hidey hole" which allows them to sit and watch if they choose; a game room with foosball air hockey and other games; an art room in which they are allowed to participate in many forms of art, including writing on the walls made of chalk board; and the play room, where they can play dress up, or play with Lego's, a doll house, etc. At the end of the activities, the children return to the talking room to discuss their feelings and provide closure on the evening.

The center is currently working on a "tornado" room, which has padded walls life sized wrestling dolls, soft baseball bats, etc., all designed to help a child safely let out his anger. The children are always allowed to say "I pass" if they are uncomfortable with an activity.

According to Cordua, donations from sororities and fraternities at Ole Miss have helped to make the tornado room a realization for the center. McClean was a member of the Tri-delta sorority when she was a student here.

Both Cordua and Woodliff say that the reason for the activities is that while adults express their feelings by talking about them, children express themselves through their play. Both women want to make sure that those feelings of grief are not overlooked simply because they are the feelings of children.

"Children don't just get over grief, they don't just grow out of it," Cordua said. "I hope that they will be allowed to express themselves so that they can heal."

While the children are going through the activities, they are accompanied by trained facilitators who walk with them, but do not tell them what to do.

"We walk with them, we don't lead them," Cordua said.

The children decide when they are ready to leave the program, and although they have not been established long enough to have enough come to completion, there is a graduation ceremony designed for when it does happen.

"I hopeÉ that they have hope, healing, and ultimately peace in their lives so that they an reinvest in other aspects of their lives," Woodliff said.

The center is a nonprofit organization and is always looking for volunteers and assistance. For more information, call 601-982-4405 or fax 601-982-4440.