By Jenny Dodson
Editor
3 p.m.: Those participating in the Hash Run on Sunday begin to meet in the parking lot of Avent Park. The runners sign in and begin stretching and warming up -- it is 45 degrees and falling outside.
3:10 p.m.: Twelve "hashers" have gathered for the run. The introductions of everyone begin and the rules for the run are explained.
3:15: The search begins for the trail. Several paths of flour lead in different directions. Two hashers find a path leading into a storm drain. Several hashers follow, bent over double, through the pitch-black drain. It turns out to be a "BJ," false trail.
3:25: The real trail is finally found with a yell of "On! On!." It leads south on Bramlett Boulevard up to Oxford High School.
3:27: The runners collect in front of OHS, confused because the trail goes in two directions, one up a steep hill to Bramlett Elementary, the other goes behind OHS. Hashers go in both directions while many stay in the middle, waiting to see which is the true trail.
3:32: Several of the hashers have gone up the hill to Bramlett Elementary, only to find the trail leading right back down to Bramlett Boulevard -- they call it a "circle jerk." "I would say the hares suckered us on that one," Bitch, one of the hashers, says. "But there should be a beer check soon," he says as he runs ahead.
3:34: The trail leads behind OHS and through a ditch of dead kudzu to the Jackson Square Apartments. The first beer check begins in front of apartment 69. Beer, tequila, cokes, chocolate chip cookies and Oreos are offered.
3:44: The hashers get back on the trail. It leads back to the corner of University Avenue and Bramlett. The hashers cross the busy street and head south into a residential area.
3:53: Another hasher, Singapore Schwing, drives by the group in his car. He parks on the side of the road and joins the group running in his sweatshirt and jeans.
3:55: The trail leads down into a large storm drain. Beverages are waiting.
3:57: The group breaks into song during the beer check. The song is from the "Sound of Music," but the words sound hash-inspired: "Do, the stuff that buys the beer; Re, the guy who brings the beer; Mi, the guy who drinks the beer; Fa, a long, long way for beer; So, I'll have another beer; La, la, la, la, la, la, la; Ti, no thanks, I'll have a beer, and that brings us back to do, do, do, do."
4:04: The hashers get back on the trail headed down the storm drain through the slime.
4:10: Another beer check.
4:17: The trail takes the hashers back up the pipe to where they started.
4:20: Oral Foreplay falls in the slime. She takes off her sweats and resumes the run in her running shorts. (It's now about 39 degrees).
4:30: The hashers are back where they started in the pipe. They don't see where the trail goes, until one of the hares says to "look at the writing on the wall." Flour marks are found on the walls of the drain pipe. The run resumes.
4:40: The trail leads through a dark tunnel. The hashers must climb over and crawl under pipes. "Where the hell are we," Oral Foreplay asks.
4:42: The pipe opens up and the group finds itself in the cemetery and at another beer check. Some people are visiting a grave in the cemetery, so hare Woodstock moves the group into the woods and out of sight. "Now you're seeing the sensitive side of the hash," Singapore Schwing says.
4:50: The group is back on the trail and running through the cemetery.
4:55: The trail stops at William Faulkner's grave. A bottle of Old Charter is passed around the circle of hashers. They have stopped for a mini-ceremony. "Faulkner had a bad reputation locally," Woodstock says. "One reason was he was a great hasher." Woodstock offers a dramatic reading of "As I Lay Hashing," in which bits about hashing are spliced into the real story.
5 p.m.: The run turns into a "Live Hare Run" in which the hare, Woodstock, starts running with the bag of flour. The group gives him one minute before they begin the chase.
5:05 p.m.: The run has led through residential streets and back to Avent Park.
5:20 p.m.: The hash ends at Scratch n Sniff's house.
5:30 p.m.: Chips, hot dogs, and, of course, beer are offered to the hashers. Gradient Man gives his critique of the run, concluding at the end: "not enough beer stops."
5:45 p.m.: The awards are then given out in the "Down-Down." Woodstock must drink from his baseball cap. Why no hats at a down-down? "It's just bad form," one hasher says. "It's a ceremony and you wouldn't wear a hat in church."
6:25 p.m.: The hashers get rides back to Avent Park and head home to rest up for the next hash on Dec. 6.